


to be near you

by lettertotheworld



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Mutual Pining, give me one good healing hands and i'll be alright, im just asking for healing hands, is this canon divergence?? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27177028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lettertotheworld/pseuds/lettertotheworld
Summary: It’s all horribly awkward, and Yasha loves how comfortable it is, how familiar. She looks for something else to say, because now that she has Beau’s attention, she doesn’t want to let it go.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 19
Kudos: 280





	to be near you

**Author's Note:**

> all the cool kids are writing about snugglin. what a time to be alive!!

She’s started doodling flowers in the corners of her pages because scribbling a bunch of forget-me-nots is easier than writing a poem.

Beau’s voice carries, and Yasha’s eyes follow the sound. She’s talking to Fjord, leaning against the side of the boat, and the icy breeze pushes lightly at the strands of her hair. She’s turned so Yasha can only see the back of her, and the breeze catches her coat, too, the length of it swaying behind her.

There is a world where Yasha walks up to her, a world where Yasha wraps her arms around Beau’s middle. Where Beau leans into her and tells her she’s warm, warm, warm. A different version of her got that story. This version gets clumsy conversation and longing looks; a wrong that she’s currently attempting to right. 

And she watches Beau until she gets caught, watches her more now than she ever has before. Stealing glances used to leave the bitter sting of guilt in the back of her throat. She’s finally starting to be free of that, and when Beau laughs at something, Yasha finds herself smiling instead of shying away. She has a poem to workshop, but her inspiration is mere feet away, better than anything Yasha could ever capture with words.

She glances back down at her notebook and starts drawing flowers again, comforted by Beau’s voice as background noise.

After the fireworks, after she’s drained her cup of its contents, she notices Beau is still shivering. Her first instinct is to shed her coat and offer it, and her second is to pull Beau closer and give some of her warmth. She does neither, because everyone is still relatively nearby, still lingering and finishing their cocoa.

“Beau,” she says instead, “are you okay? Do you need…”

“Yeah, no, I’m—I’m great, it’s fine.”

She feels a frown tug at her lips, wishes she had anything left to say that wouldn’t lead to a declaration. Because she knows if she gets close to Beau, if Beau lets her hold her, then she won’t be able to stop herself. She will tell her about her feelings and the poem and all it would take is one first move in front of everyone, which is _not_ how she wants to do any of that.

“Excuse me for caring about my form,” Veth is saying loudly, and Jester matches her volume, breaks up whatever thought Yasha had been molding.

“No one could see you,” Jester argues. “Fjord was in trouble.”

“We were all in trouble,” Fjord says, and he’s working with Caduceus a few feet away from them to help discard the mage’s remains. They bicker back and forth between the two of them, Jester and Fjord, and Beau’s voice by Yasha’s side catches her attention.

“You were great today,” Beau says, and Yasha feels that same heat she always does when Beau compliments her, flaring in her cheeks, coiling in her stomach.

“Yeah, um…I’ve never really been a whale before, so…”

“Well, you’re a natural.”

It’s all horribly awkward, and Yasha loves how comfortable it is, how familiar. She looks for something else to say, because now that she has Beau’s attention, she doesn’t want to let it go.

“So…did you steal these fireworks?” she asks, because they never really _talked_ about how Beau procured them, and Yasha had just assumed, and maybe that’s wrong. Maybe Beau is different now, different like her. Maybe she’s keener on asking permission now than she ever was before.

“Nope,” Beau says on a laugh through slightly chattering teeth. “I’m a model fucking citizen these days.”

“That is…pretty lame. I think you might be losing your edge.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” Beau murmurs, but she doesn’t sound disappointed by it. She sounds hopeful, if anything.

“Beau…” she tries, but it falls away.

“Because it saves your asses,” Caleb is all but shouting, but it seems good-natured. They won, so there’s nothing left to argue about. “What else could I have done? The deck was covered in _fireworks_.”

He stares pointedly at Beau, and Beau straightens her shoulders a bit from where she’d been huddled in on herself, arms crossed.

“Hey, man, it’s not my fault your fucking bag broke,” Beau ribs back half-heartedly.

“Leave him alone, he just wants to be a dinosaur,” Veth shouts, always the first to come to Caleb’s defense.

Yasha would like to be that for Beau, hopes she can always position herself in front of Beau and take whatever is thrown, weapons and words alike.

“No, see, I am _prepared_ ,” Caleb says, pulls Veth’s attention back to him, and Caduceus gets involved as Beau retires from the conversation, leaning on her elbows over the railing of the boat.

“I liked the fireworks,” she tells Beau quietly.

Beau watches her for a moment, like she’s trying to stitch her words into something that makes sense, before she just offers a half smile and looks away. Yasha sighs quietly in frustration, confusion, all directed toward herself. She can never seem to find the right words.

It’s about moving forward, she thinks. It’s about letting go of things that don’t work and following the things that she wants. And she _wants_.

“Come here,” she says softly, opens one side of her coat in an invitation, and Beau blinks at her once before she moves closer, awkward at first, then cozying in against her, thawing, melting, and Yasha wraps her coat around Beau, holds it there with a hand at her back. “You’re freezing.”

“You’re _warm_ ,” Beau counters, and Yasha can feel the cold press of Beau’s nose at her collar bone, Beau’s chilled skin against her.

She inhales a breath, feels her hand emit the smallest bit of light against Beau’s back, healing her up, and it’s not much, but it’s something. The light begins to die down, then vanishes completely, and Beau finally stops shivering against her. She brings her hand higher, to the back of Beau’s neck, her undercut, running her fingertips along whatever skin she can find. She pulls back to look at Beau with her hand still at her neck, and Beau’s gaze is heavy, significant.

“Are you…you’re warm now?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Beau tells her quietly with a nod. “Super fucking warm.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Yasha says, suddenly can’t remember how to say more than a handful of words. Not when Beau’s eyes keep flickering to her lips, and she’d been _so wrong_. Being close to Beau can’t make her spill her heart if she can’t even speak.

She wants to take her somewhere, away from everything, wants to kiss her until she can’t breathe, wants her hands on Beau like they are now, but _more_ , wants—

Veth coughs awkwardly from behind them, the only noise among the silence that’s fallen over all of them, and Yasha remembers everything again, remembers how they’re on a boat with their friends post battle, and when she glances around, _everyone_ is staring at them with something like amazement on their faces.

Yasha feels a blush rise to her cheeks, and everyone quickly looks away, goes back to whatever they’d been doing. Back to talking and bantering, and Beau is still just watching her, finally clears her throat and steps out of Yasha’s space. Yasha lets her hands drop, closes her coat, and it feels strange to have all of this empty space now, to not have Beau occupying it.

“So…” Beau says, “if I happen to, like, get cold again…”

“Then I will be here,” Yasha promises, and Beau nods, sags with what seems like relief, and Yasha understands Beau’s need to always check for a safety net with these things before she jumps, to always ensure reciprocity. Yasha understands her.

“Right, okay,” Beau says. “Okay, well, I’m gonna…” She glances back to where Fjord and Caduceus are still shoveling remains and shakes her head. “You know what, I’m just gonna…stay. Here. If that’s okay.”

Yasha feels her lips pull into a smile as she nods.

“That is more than okay,” she says, leans over the railing, and Beau joins her, both of them watching the icy water as they sail through it, stealing glances when they think the other isn’t looking and grinning sheepishly when they get caught.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on twitter or tumblr @nydoorinn :~)


End file.
